Recently I published an article on how women can succeed in negotiations.
The premise was that women feel anxious over negotiations, as they are more worried about damaging the relationship they have with the other person, than actually achieving their own goals.
In other words, when they weigh it up, they think it is actually more important to have a good relationship with someone, be that boss, colleague or friend, than to win a short term battle.
It was based on this amazing book – Why Women Don’t Ask – which I recommend you read!
So far so demoralising right? So what is the solution?
Well, the solution is actually achingly simple, it may not seem like a solution at all. It is simply to say why you want what you are asking for. You are basically telling the other person what the problem is you are trying to overcome. When they are presented with your problem, the theory is that they will move to your side of the table, and you both work on solving the problem together. The result? You actually get a stronger relationship than you had before, as you work collaboratively to solve an objective problem.
What made this approach so revolutionary for me is that it is going into a negotiation thinking of your own needs first and foremost. Most modern negotiation advice doesn’t say this anymore. My case in point was when I tried to negotiate part-time working after maternity leave. I armed myself with all the reasons why me working part-time met their needs, but let’s face it, it just boiled down to the fact that they got to pay less money for less amount of work. As they weren’t tight on money at that point in time, they would much rather have me working full time and doing more work. I spent the whole negotiation talking about their needs, I didn’t mention mine, as I didn’t think mine were business focussed, so it wasn’t professional to talk about them.
Well, I read this book, then had another go at it. This time I explained the cost of childcare, the time spent commuting and how something had to be done to make it worth my while returning to work. I basically just phoned my boss up and explained all my problems to her. She didn’t particularly want to know I’m sure, but being presented with them, she had to deal with them, and I got what I wanted.
Fast forward two years later, I just did the same thing again – and it worked! My message to you? Don’t negate your reasons for asking as not important. If they are what motivates you to ask – then articulate them loud and clear, it’s about time we talked more about you.
Have you handled a negotiation well or badly? Let me know your experiences.
The premise was that women feel anxious over negotiations, as they are more worried about damaging the relationship they have with the other person, than actually achieving their own goals.
In other words, when they weigh it up, they think it is actually more important to have a good relationship with someone, be that boss, colleague or friend, than to win a short term battle.
It was based on this amazing book – Why Women Don’t Ask – which I recommend you read!
So far so demoralising right? So what is the solution?
Well, the solution is actually achingly simple, it may not seem like a solution at all. It is simply to say why you want what you are asking for. You are basically telling the other person what the problem is you are trying to overcome. When they are presented with your problem, the theory is that they will move to your side of the table, and you both work on solving the problem together. The result? You actually get a stronger relationship than you had before, as you work collaboratively to solve an objective problem.
What made this approach so revolutionary for me is that it is going into a negotiation thinking of your own needs first and foremost. Most modern negotiation advice doesn’t say this anymore. My case in point was when I tried to negotiate part-time working after maternity leave. I armed myself with all the reasons why me working part-time met their needs, but let’s face it, it just boiled down to the fact that they got to pay less money for less amount of work. As they weren’t tight on money at that point in time, they would much rather have me working full time and doing more work. I spent the whole negotiation talking about their needs, I didn’t mention mine, as I didn’t think mine were business focussed, so it wasn’t professional to talk about them.
Well, I read this book, then had another go at it. This time I explained the cost of childcare, the time spent commuting and how something had to be done to make it worth my while returning to work. I basically just phoned my boss up and explained all my problems to her. She didn’t particularly want to know I’m sure, but being presented with them, she had to deal with them, and I got what I wanted.
Fast forward two years later, I just did the same thing again – and it worked! My message to you? Don’t negate your reasons for asking as not important. If they are what motivates you to ask – then articulate them loud and clear, it’s about time we talked more about you.
Have you handled a negotiation well or badly? Let me know your experiences.
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